SOLEPATH FOR REAL LIFE
Why am I
so hard on myself?
When nothing you do ever seems quite enough.
Perhaps you’re someone who encourages others, notices their strengths and understands when things don’t go quite as planned.
Yet when it comes to yourself, the rules seem different. You remember your mistakes more readily than your successes. You tell yourself you should have done more, known better or somehow been better.
Before asking yourself to change, perhaps it’s worth understanding why you expect so much of yourself.
A MOMENT FOR YOURSELF
Six Questions Worth
Asking Yourself
There are no right or wrong answers.
Take your time. You may recognise yourself in more than one question, or find that different situations bring different answers.
The purpose isn’t to judge your expectations. It’s to discover what matters to you beneath them.
Do I feel disappointed in myself when I haven’t accomplished enough?
Perhaps you measure your day by what you’ve achieved, and even a full day can feel unfinished.
Something to notice: What did you do today that deserves to be acknowledged, even if your list isn’t complete?
Do I expect myself to be there for everyone, even when I’m tired?
You may be quick to notice what other people need and slow to recognise your own limits.
Something to notice: Would you expect someone you love to give as much as you’re asking of yourself?
Am I hardest on myself when I haven’t lived up to my own values?
Perhaps keeping your word, doing what is right or being someone others can rely on matters deeply to you.
Something to notice: Can you honour your values while allowing yourself to be human?
Do I feel I should have known better or done something perfectly?
You may notice every detail that could have been improved, even when the overall outcome was good.
Something to notice: What would change if you treated a mistake as something to learn from rather than proof you fell short?
Do I keep comparing who I am today with who I could become?
Perhaps you can see possibilities for growth so clearly that the person you already are gets overlooked.
Something to notice: What is already growing in you that you haven’t stopped to appreciate?
Do I feel I should be wiser, calmer or further along in life by now?
You may be looking for meaning in your experiences and wondering whether you’re living as you were meant to.
Something to notice: What if becoming yourself is something that unfolds, rather than a standard you must already have reached?
Would you like a little space to sit with your answers?
Download the Six Questions Reflection Handout (PDF)NOTICE THE PATTERNS
What might your expectations reveal about you?
Perhaps your high expectations grow from determination, care for others, deeply held values, a desire for understanding, an eye for possibility or a search for meaning.
Not everyone is hard on themselves for the same reasons.
A quality that helps you do good things can also become a heavy burden when you turn it against yourself.
Recognising what lies beneath your self-criticism doesn’t mean giving up on what matters. It may help you hold those things with a little more kindness.
KNOW YOUR SOLEPATH
There are two ways to
know your SolePath.
CHARACTER
SolePath Discovery
Explore the character you’ve developed through your experiences, relationships and choices.
TEMPERAMENT
SolePath Measuring
Explore the temperament beneath your learned patterns: your natural ways of responding.
They reveal different things about you, and your character braid and temperament braid are often different.
Know Your SolePathALREADY KNOW YOUR SOLEPATH?
Take the questions further.
Bring self-criticism into your SolePath Companion
Bring a real situation, a question or a pattern you’ve noticed. Companion can help you explore it in the context of your own SolePath.
Why do I feel that nothing I do is ever enough?
How might my Joyful Path influence what I expect of myself?
When might my DarkPath make me judge myself too harshly?
How might my Progression Path help me grow with more kindness?
You don’t need to follow a programme.