Dating After Divorce
Thinking about dating again? Start with yourself.
Dating after divorce can feel very different from dating earlier in life.
You know more now. You have lived more. You may be clearer about what you want – and much clearer about what you don’t want.
But you may also find yourself wondering:
Before you think about who you might meet next, it can be valuable to spend a little time thinking about you.
Six Questions Worth
Asking Yourself
There are no right or wrong answers.
You may want to write your answers down, or simply sit with them. There’s no timeline.
Take your time with each question. Notice what comes immediately – and what makes you stop and think.
What do I want to experience?
What do I want to experience in a new relationship that may have been missing before?
Don’t begin with a list of qualities you want in another person.
Think about the experience of being in the relationship. Think abut moments, not just the big picture – the everyday experience of being with someone.
How would you like it to feel? What would you like there to be more of?
If you find it hard to answer, that’s worth noticing too.
Do I feel valued?
Do I feel valued for who I am when I am – and am I valuing the other person for who they are?
Whether you’re reflecting on the past or already meeting someone new, this question matters.
Being wanted isn’t quite the same thing as being valued.
Consider what being genuinely valued looks and feels like to you – and whether you are able to offer the same in return.
Notice the difference between someone who values your presence and someone who values what you provide.
What feels right for me now?
What feels right for me in a relationship now – rather than what others expect of me, or what dating advice tells me to do?
Life experience changes us.
Something you accepted twenty years ago may no longer be acceptable. Something that mattered enormously then may matter much less now.
Pay attention to the difference between what you want and what you think you deserve. They’re not always the same thing.
What feels right for the person you are today?
What have I learned?
What have my past relationships taught me about myself, and what do I understand differently now?
This isn’t about deciding who was right or wrong. Be gentle with yourself here. Understanding isn’t the same as blaming yourself.
It’s about noticing what you now understand about yourself that you may not have understood before.
Are there patterns you can see now that you couldn’t see at the time? Not to judge yourself – but to recognize what was happening.
What do you know now about what you need – and what happens when you don’t get it?
What can I imagine now?
What kind of relationship can I imagine for this next part of my life?
Try not to limit the answer to what you have experienced before.
It might look completely different from anything you’ve had before. It might be quieter, or freer, or more playful. Let yourself think without editing.
You are not the same person who entered your last relationship. What might the person you are now choose?
What would make a relationship meaningful to me?
What would make a new relationship genuinely meaningful to me?
Beyond attraction, companionship or simply not being alone, what would make you glad you let someone into your life? Not just comfortable, but genuinely glad.
What would make sharing your life with someone feel like something you choose – not something you settled for?
Your answer to this question is your compass. It’s worth coming back to.
What do your answers tell you about you?
You may have noticed something while answering these questions.
The way you approach relationships isn’t random.
There are recurring patterns in what you need, what you notice, how you make choices, how you respond to other people – and what tends to trip you up.
There are reasons you respond the way you do. SolePath helps you understand them.
Your SolePath is a three-Path braid that helps you understand the patterns shaping your behaviour, choices, relationships and the way you live.
And knowing those patterns can be particularly useful when you’re beginning something new.
There are two ways to
know your SolePath.
SolePath Discovery
SolePath Discovery helps you recognise your character – the person you have become through your experiences, relationships, learning and choices.
SolePath Measuring
SolePath Measuring identifies your temperament – the underlying pattern you were born with.
They reveal different things about you, and your character braid and temperament braid are often different.
Know Your SolePathThen you can take the questions further.
Take dating into your SolePath Companion
Your SolePath Companion can help you think about what’s happening in your dating life through the lens of your own three-Path braid.
You don’t need to follow a dating program.